Lets talk about loss, and renewal

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
-Socrates

 

It’s been almost two years since I last blogged. There are many reasons for that, fear, pain, time restraints, excuses. I last blogged after a bad BETA that resulted in an early miscarriage or sometimes called “chemical pregnancy”. The latter term is a little hard on my heart, as IVF is no walk in the park, and a positive pregnancy test is supposed to mean a baby. I found out May 24th, but didn’t start bleeding until my birthday on June 3rd.

After that we did another round of IVF in October 2017. The embryo didn’t survive the thaw, that was our last embryo. 2018 was mostly poor Brooke going through round after round of egg retrievals. Finally it was time for one last try and in October we transfered one perfect little embryo. I felt pregnant right away but was so cautious. I only told a handful of people about the round of IFV, the transfer, the positive BETA. I hid it for longer than I had ever hid it before. I didn’t tell all my family, or friends. I didn’t tell my job. I was scared and I understood why so many women don’t keep it a secret for so long.

In December I left my job for reasons both related to the pregnancy, and not. I finally announced the pregnancy on Christmas Eve to social media. I became a horrible recluse for awhile, we had some low lows and some scary moments.

Now I’m 19 weeks and just getting back into a rhythm. I’m feeling good (most of the time) and picking up my pieces. So now I’m ready to embrace the new, and honestly I’m still scared and confused. But I’m also determined and focused.

Before this baby is born in July, I will build a new empire. I will be self-sufficient, empowered and loud. All while I help other women do the same.

So I guess this post is my announcement.
“Hello world! Welcome to me letting you into my surrogacy journey again. Also, here come Doula Chelsea, and I have a few tricks up my sleeve, so get ready for some magic.”

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